Going with God even when it hurts--A Lesson on the Fruits of the Spirit

It all began 4 years ago. "You have farm boys who ride horses. Sign them up for that Rodeo Camp that is coming to Unionville. It's a real rodeo camp. It's also sponsored and ran by Christian Cowboys. We'll even sponsor your two boys fees for this year. Check it out. Give them a call."

I never would have thought 4 years ago that our family would be on this rodeo ride for Christ. I never would have dreamed that I'd be experiencing Christ at rodeo events and that our family could be used as such a witness for Him in this area of life. Never........never......





Stu and I don't ride. As in fearful afraid and never get on. People get a real kick out of that.
Ha ha....that's what makes this rodeo journey even more God glorifying. So laugh on if you must.

But we indeed sent them that first year, and then the next year, and again and again. Along the way Cole caught the rodeo bug. Bareback bronc to be specific. Two men in particular rallied to his side in full support. We are indebted to Josh Harmon and Paul Sholtz indefinitely for their encouragement and mentorship. (You two are real men of Christ. Your influence of living your life as a poured out vessel for Jesus is shaping eternity in the young people who cross your life's paths. Thank you for your part in showing our boys how to be real men of God.)

Fast forward to summer 2010 and the journey takes a turn from training, instructing and mentoringship to being out on the field playing the game. (or in this case in the arena on a IRCA bucking horse)

And can I say it is rough out there. No longer is the atmosphere 'Christian'. Beer, foul language, tempers, and all the other sins people engage in apart from Christ are present and manifest.




I am so thankful for the dim glimpse that the Holy Spirit gives me when it comes to seeing the spiritual battle that is taking place when we give our day, our lives, our bodies, and all the glory over to the One who deserves it all. If we only stop and look...and see....God is active all around us every day in every way.

This post will be long and possibly dull to some.....but I need to write it down so I can remember. I write not so much for you the reader but for my own book of remembrance.
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Going to bed in our large two room stand up tent, I prayed that I could be of use for God the next day. I prayed that I might be like Jesus and see hurting people all around me and be able to offer encouragement. I knew that we faced a day of being around very lost people who would also act like very lost people. I so badly wanted to be used by Him.

Funny, it was all I could do the next day to keep my own attitude in line with what I knew was Christ-like behavior. I was stunned and amazed at the rough beer drinking mommas who screamed at their children and flirted with all the cowboys. I was annoyed by their loud mouths and foul talk. I was impatient with their rudeness and grew angrier and more frustrated with them all moment by moment.



I felt like I was in constant spiritual battle. Every felt like that? Know what I mean? I was in a constant state of prayer. Frustrated and all. I kept right on conversing with God all day long. I could literally feel His presence even through my frown and anger.

I struggled all day fighting the urge to just lower my standards and treat them just as they were treating me. I thought of all kinds of one liners to throw out at them and their behavior. I literally bit down on my back teeth to try and keep my mouth shut.

I went to bed fighting back tears. Some use I was. It was all I could do to manage my own attitude...let alone encourage anyone else.

I was so disappointed in myself, feeling as though I was just of no use to Him. I just didn't know what to think. Rodeo is such a rough place. It's not like hanging out with my homeschool Christian friends and it is way worse than what I usually see at Wal Mart.

Had we heard wrong? Was my family okay being here? Was this a place that a Christian family should even be?

Waking up on the Lord's Day I met with God again. This day is Yours, Lord. Totally, completely Yours. Remove me out of it. I can do nothing good apart from You. Today, I give you my all. I will simply rest in You.

My heart felt clean and fresh. His grace in new every morning. I headed back out into the crowd. I rested in Him. I did nothing.....and yet on this day God was EVERYWHERE I TURNED.

Pulling into day two we set up our big tent. Behind us was our black 11 passenger van with our borrowed old three horse trailer.

We were SO out of place.

It was like everyone there bought exactly the same things.....like to rodeo you must have a Eazy-Up Canopy, new trailer with living quarters and air conditioning ran by generator. You need a professionally trained horse that cost at least $6, 500 or up and to be competitive you should really spend around $20,000 on your ride. (horse) You must wear Cinch brand jeans and Ariat square toed Fat Babies. It is currently fashionable to wear neon green and so must your horse. Hair is to be in a side pony tail. Shoulder length. Got it??

We just stood there taking it all in. Huh.....okay God. Here we go again.

Ughhh, Stu. Does that man look familiar? Oh....and her, and her.

Yep. Confirmed.

Directly to our left and planted behind us, we were surrounded by the kids from our highschool's rodeo team. Except they were no longer kids. They were all traveling together still in $100,000 rigs. Did I mention that they were so rude in highschool and I really didn't like them at all then.....and I was already thinking that I really didn't like them now?

I glanced at their cute little children. They all had 2 a piece. God help me. I waved and smiled. There. Doing okay so far. They stared.

Now my two boys had taken home Grand Champion of the Season JR. Mini Bull and Reserved Grand Champion of the Season Bareback Bronc last evening. My daughters had competed well with much improved times in their five events and while we were proud of them we didn't see this coming........

People were watching us. Like seriously watching us. We had been nobody's; invading their little rodeo social club last month but now they took renewed notice.

Who are these people? How many children do they have? What ages? You broke your own horse? You've never did this before? We notice you all have such pleasant attitudes. Families like yours are just so rare. Did you take a knee out there? Where did you get your training? Bible camp? Fellowship of Christian Cowboys? Christ?.......huh? We've enjoyed watching you today. Will you be back next season?

Like a little bug under a magnifying glass we kept on smiling and talking to them all.

Your day Lord, I rest in You.

I talked kindly and patiently. I smiled and laughed. I didn't try to do or be anything.

I rested.

I kept on talking to God. Okay, so I'm not irritated, rude, angry, or frustrated but seriously, Lord, do you really want us hanging around these lost people? They really need You, true, but I'm still not sure that You have us here. I want You to have us here. I don't want to be here if You don't have us here.

Don't missionaries proclaim the Gospel? Don't we go over seas and rescue hungry children? Isn't that what we do? Build a house, tell a Bible story through translation, carry a large Bible? Do Christians hang out at rodeos? Is there really a ministry here?



Rest in me. I'm trying. I'm smiling. Rest in me. But should we be here, Lord? Tell me? Should we be here? Should we be here?

It's been a long hot day at this point in the story. People are heading towards drunk. The heat has taken its toll. Too many children. Too many horses. Tempers start to flare.......mine along with it.

Finally, Cole is to ride. As I try to tape, the world's most annoying woman, carrying her beer with her, cusses her way up to me at the fence where I stand.

Great.

She is going to watch the ride with me. She smells.

I've seen her around. She travels in a semi cab with like an 8 horse trailer with full living quarters. She is rich, rude, and I really dislike her. Lots of bling, alcohol, and colorful language.

I shouldn't be here.

Cole covers his horse. I am so proud.



His goal this time is to be taken off the horse after 8 seconds by the pick up man. He'd been riding 8 seconds and then he's just been hanging on out of sheer will and when the buzzer sounds he has been getting thrown.

Getting thrown is dangerous. Dismount onto the pick up man. That's why he is there...to keep you safe.

The whistle sounds. He made it! And look! He is getting on the pickup man. I almost turn off the camera to cheer, when I suddenly see my son flying backwards through the air.

NOOOOOO!!!!!! What just happened? Many at first aren't sure. Then the realization that the pickup man had begun to let him off his horse directly behind the still kicking bronc! Cole had been kicked squarely and knocked off hard.

People begin to holler and cuss. It's the pickup man's fault. Get him out of there. He is no good. This has happened with him too many times.

People are angry....I get angry. Yeah, that's my son. He should know what he is doing. It's his fault.

The smell of beer reminds me of the woman standing with me. She is so angry. She is yelling at the pickup man. She is telling me all of his faults. Her language is beyond colorful.

I've got to get to my son. I see that he is standing but, Oh God, he is bleeding from his face. Oh please God, not his handsome face.

I shouldn't be here. I hate it here. I've got to get to my son.

The woman realizes I am close to panic and tears. She gently touches my arm. You go to your son, she says. I will stay here and watch your little ones. She looks me right in the eyes. She is tender, she wants to help.

I have a choice to make. I want to say are you crazy? You drunken fool of a woman get out of my way, as I drag my children behind me in a panic to get behind the chutes.

Rest in me.

Okay....Thank you. I've got to go to him. Tori, help this lady with the little ones. Stay here with her.

I've got it under control the lady says to me.

I turn and all but run to the chutes.

God, God, God. I can't take anymore. I'm so tired. I'm so hot. These people are so rough. I don't know if we should be here. Cole is hurt God. Cole is hurt God. That (------) pick up man. Oh God. That man has hurt my son. Cole did everything right. He shouldn't be hurt.

Getting to Cole I try not to make a huge mom scene. Cole, are your teeth still in? Cole look at me? Are your teeth still in? Honey, are you okay?

He is shaking uncontrollably. He is shaking. He is shaking. Oh God. Cole, are you okay?

He answers me finally, what happened, mom?

Oh honey, the pickup man let you go too soon behind the bronc's hooves. You were kicked off. Are you okay? Everyone is so upset at that man. Look! He is leaving the arena. He put his horse up and left. Good! They say he is no good. Get that man out of here.

I'm pleased at the justice.

And then my son looks right at me. Through his shaking. Through the blood flowing from his busted mouth he says:

Mom, please. Please don't let them blame the pick up man. It wasn't his fault. I should have jumped later. I should have gotten further on. Tell them not to blame him. Go tell them it was my fault.

Rest in me.

I'm pondering this as I walk back to my kids. The half drunk lady is still there. She is so proud of herself for helping me.

I don't hate her anymore. I'm just too humbled. Something big has just happened and I'm not sure what.

I tell her thank you. I tell her Cole is okay. She starts in again on that blankety blank blank pick up man.



I tell her. My son says not to blame that man. He says he takes the blame. He says it was his fault. I tell her no. He says not to bash the man. He was only trying to help.

She shuts up. She looks at me in utter disbelief. Huh?

I left her then. I was close to having a complete break down.

God I can't take it. I can't take watching my son bleed. I can't take looking at his beatings. I am too weak. I can't take it.

Surely You don't want for my son to bleed. Surely You don't want for him to continue to get hurt. Surely you don't want us to be here. This is not responsible. This is not safe.

Tallis is up next. Him and his little friend Chace. Such a cute kid. But he doesn't stand a chance. his mom is one of those beer drinking screaming women.Stu has seen her make him cry over forgetting his glove. My heart breaks for this little guy.

I give him soda, cold lemonade, a snack, a big smile. I touch his shoulder when I talk to him. I tell him good job and pat him on the back.

I try to show him love.



Tallis sees that Chace has it hard. He tells me he is thankful that I am his mom. I smile at him.

I still don't know if we should be here.

Tallis' turn to ride. He covers. He wins.

Chace's turn.

Tallis takes him to the corner of the chute.

We've got to pray, Chace. Let's pray God will give you courage. Let's pray that you can ride for His glory.

Tallis!!...... Do you always pray with Chace before you ride?

Yep mom. Every time. He likes me to pray with him. You should pray for his mom, mom.

Tallis goes up to ask for his winnings. He is yelled at by a nasty hot mama to get out and come back later. She makes him cry. The tough little man can ride a bull with courage but a grown mother screams at him and makes him cry.

That is enough! I'm going up there to tell these people that we are never coming back to this rodeo again. It is NOT family friendly as they promote. I'm hot. I've had enough.

Cole steps in front of me. Mom, you are hot and short tempered. You won't say anything right now like this that will make a difference. Please don't go up there. Please just let it go.

Cole, move out of my way. I am 34 years old. This is a time to step up and say something. Let me through.

No, mom.

I stand there and stew. I mean, what am I gonna do? Push my way around him? Spank him? He is right....and I know it......he is really making me mad. I stand there and stew some more.

I look up at his face. It is all swollen. Dried blood splattered all around. A large rip in his shirt. Bruises. He took a beaten.

Oh God.

Oh God. You watched Your Son get beaten. You watched Him take the blame. You know how I hurt. I'm not strong enough, God. I'm not strong enough. Help me. Help me rest in You if You want us to be here.

You tell us to run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (Heb. 12:1) Is this the right course for us, Lord? Is this our family's race? At least in this season? Help me rest in You, if You want us to be here.

Phillipians 1:29 For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on Him, but also to suffer for Him. Suffer? Not be comfortable? To take a beating? To do so as people watch. To do so as people notice you aren't like the world. Glory to You.

Jesus, You tell us to become like servants. Like slaves. A Christian is never guaranteed success, health, safety. We are told to expect hardship when we follow You. Everything in me wants to run, wants to avoid this. This could hurt. My son could get hurt. I'm scared.

Let us be fully in this world but not of it. There are not many Christians where You have taken us Lord. But thank you for opening my eyes so that I could see. Thank You for answering my question. Thank You for giving me a sense of peace about where we are and what we are doing.

I pray as I hang on to You, as I rest in You. I pray that You will be glorified.

Thank you for showing me.....through my children, Lord, what it means to give it all to You. To show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.

Doing good matters, even if it appears to go unnoticed. No good deed done will be left unrewarded.

Thank you, Mr. Paul Sholtz for the reminder that whatever we do we should pour it out as a love offering to You, Lord.

Thank You for this spiritual lesson.....at a rodeo. Help me to have the joy of the Lord where ever it is that you have me. I want to answer Your call. Whatever, where ever, that might be. Even thought I know it is going to be tough. Even though I know it will hurt. Even if everything in me says to run away from the pain.

Thank You for assuring me that I am right where I should be when I am right with You. Help me to continue to do less and be more.