The Joy of Rasing Teenage Boys: Part I

Raising teenage boys a joy? Absolutely!!

How many times did I hear that my 9-12 year old boys were cute now but that I should just wait cause hard times were a' comin'? That they would turn a deaf ear to me in the teen years and be rebellious in many ways. That they would try out the sins of the world and that there was nothing I could do about it.



Here is Cole and Wyatt in those tender years before they are labeled 'teenagers.'



How many times did I politely say "Thanks for your concern but I don't think so. I have a bigger goal in mind for them but I guess we'll wait and see." I mean, who was I to say? I'd never raised a teenager and I really didn't know anyone who has raised the type of teen that I was envisioning. Yet, God had placed in me a hope of there being a joy in this coming season with my boys and I wasn't about to let that hope fade away.

And now I stand in the midst of the teenage years and can tell you that I absolutely love it! Probably one of my favorite seasons of parenting thus far. It's a season of change and growth, of friendships and trust. It's about trial and error, pulling away, letting go, and of continually praising God for His goodness and watching the fruits of our parenting labor unfold.

Even as I type this I am smiling. Raising delightful teenagers is not mission impossible. In fact, it should be considered the norm. When did our expectations become so low?

One of the first things I noticed as we entered this stage was the deep John Wayne sounding voice drop. When did that happen? It always made me giggle. Then suddenly my oldest was looking down at me. He would stoop to give me a kiss on my cheek. I felt awe every time I looked at this young boy turned young man. I knew that even though I had a legal mandate to parent him, our relationship was changing and that from here on out my parenting techniques would vastly change. I couldn't so easily toss either boy over my knee and give them the spanking I thought they deserved.

Bill Beausay in his book Shaping the Man Inside Teenage Boys! Surviving and Enjoying These Extraordinary Years has this to add from pages 8-9.

"First we have to stop raising them. We raise small children. Our teenagers require something entirely different. Now we must learn to inspire them, motivate them. Somehow we must bridge chasms on their behalf, demonstrating for teens that we wish to escort them toward their dreams, to release them, not to stifle or deprive them."---(Yes! says Misti)

In many years past there was no such age as a teenager. A child became an adult. There wasn't these labeled years of being in between. Often there was some sort of rite of passage from one season of life to another. Usually this rite included some sort of challenge to meet and once met there was no looking back.



I feel this rite of passage is very significant even today. Some choose to have a ceremony marking the age of entering the teen years and maybe another upon entering adult hood. Our family chooses instead to mark those milestone moments when a challenge has been met, character has been shown, and it is obvious that growth has taken place. We encourage these moments and make a big family fuss about them. Physically, we watch our young men stand taller. They are closer to becoming a man.

The teen years thus far has been very demanding in some aspects. This inspiring, this motivating, this escorting, takes time. Often I've found that this time comes in the form of after day light hours when the younger children are in bed and the house is quiet. I'll often go out to the shed and sit on a bucket and just visit with them as they work on their trucks. It's amazing what they'll share if I choose to take the time to visit with them. They'll share the deep parts of their hearts. And I treasure it.

These are just some of the thoughts I've had lately as I've been thinking about helping the boys set goals for their remaining two years of highschool. I have other thoughts still forming in my head but will choose to stop for now and think them through before writing.